Crooked preachings, follow at your own risk

Pastor Adeboye’s checklist of must have for marriageable women is not accident, many people see the clergy as the mouthpiece of God. There is a reason for that. Nigeria is obsessed with material wealth, the man has enough of it. Nigerians are obsessed with title, the man is called their Daddy. Nigerians are traditions crazed, the man is a typical Yoruba man thinking ‘it’s okay she has good education and all, but still must shrink herself with all she has accomplished so men around could feel better, if religion is not enough to justify the crooked views, drag tradition to it. So he must the right.

Hear him here:

To the girls: Marry a guy with a job. That is all there is to a man – a job.

 

To the girls: As usual, my sisters are meant to be all.

 

  • Must be able to pray one hour straight
  • Can’t be lazy, because she might not be able to cope when she has children.
  • Must be able to cook

Here I am surprised he didn’t mention bedroom duty, I suppose that’s a given, that shouldn’t be too hard anyway, I’d be too tired to say no to any advances, and if am asleep, he could just find his way easily. Great to be a Nigerian girl!

And the man of God has a tape for sale, my people will rush to buy his tape, they’d memorised all the messages because the man of God has spoken. But they will forget about their day-to-day realities.

As it’s always the case, most people in his congregation are women.

I just can’t be bothered with the likes of Pastor Adeboye and their twisted views of what women must be anymore, at least not as much as in the past because I read better books now, one of which is dear Maya Angelou, may she continue to rest in peace.

“What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.” Maya Angelou.

A few months ago on a Saturday morning, I asked my girls’ father if they had taken packed lunch with them to the gymnastics. He said yes and proceeded to explain what he had packed. Ayé is our little girl, if she’s given an option to ask for what she would like for lunch, often she asks for something that is more than a simple sandwich. On this day, the 8year old asks her dad to make ẹ̀bà (product of cassava) and he did. Having ẹ̀bà as packed lunch is a bit tricky as one needs two separate bowls for stew and eba. Aye loves ẹ̀bà and beef stew with okro, and that is exactly what her father prepared for her.

And no, the father didn’t just start cooking that day, just so happened that eba for packed lunch was a new addition.

Actually, when I met Yeye’s father about sixteen years ago. Shortly after we met, he invited me over for dinner, his gift that evening was pounded yam and beef vegetable stew, he made an effort to show how much he could learn to prepare our local dish. It was meant to be pounded yam, but truthfully it was more like yam pottage, I appreciated the effort and ate the meal. I am not a picky eater, as long as I recognise the ingredients I am fine.

Needless to say, we now have two girls together. Now he cooks, cleans, change the girls nappies (when they were little), oh, he has a job, had enough education and sense that it takes more than ‘a job’ to be a father.

Not our tradition? Well, daily I am ditching any tradition that sees me as a mere piece of meat, and an ‘option’.

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” 
― Maya Angelou

Ha, this is one of the reasons why it will be extremely hard for any woman in Nigeria especially in the south to be in any meaningful public leadership position because we are meant to keep shrinking ourselves in the presence of our male counterparts to keep their ego intact.

As for Mrs GrammarPolice wanting to be our president? Forget it, unless she changed her strategy. We need women that is ready to provoke thoughts, you can not be an ideal Nigeria woman and go very far, we all know that.

All Pastor Adeboyes in Nigeria will change their views if our women change the way they spend their time. Take on new hobbies not church/mosque related, pay attention to the life here on earth, self-improvement ones that add values to yourself, our girls do not deserve to listen to this crap in this age where they see fathers all around the world pulling their weight.

Learn to drive that family car you help pay for, stop depending on ‘daddy’ or driver to control all your moves, if you have time for endless religious meetings, you sure have time to learn – this one goes to my sister.

Shut them all up with actions.



Categories: Nigeria, Religion, Women

Tags: , , ,

30 replies

  1. I don’t even pay mind to such oversabi talk.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Looking at the issue from my own ‘christian’ point of view, if Jesus gave us such conditions I doubt if anybody would be saved. God’s love is unconditional. He first loved us no matter what, He was faithful before we knew what faithfulness was. I think it makes sense to emulate that. It is also in the Bible that a man should love his wife as Christ loves the church so whether your wife can cook or not, whether she can pray for an hour or not, a man should love her unconditionally. I am a mother of girls and I do my best to make them an all-rounder but I certainly will not accept that their study, career and self worth should be determined by how good a cook they are. There is more to life than that. In the olden days Yorubas say olóbè ló loko , nowadays olówó lo loko so please hire a chef or even more romantic, take cookery lessons together.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Egbon, it’s all about compromises, abi? With mutual respect, we all do what we will normally object to.

      Totally agree on love over cooking skills and if I may add, mutual respect is very important. No one should be in a relationship where they are too restricted to ‘fly their wings’

      Liked by 1 person

  3. FK, ah!!!! Ekaabo.
    I loved this, hard hitting no-nonsense – it was brilliant. Encouraging self-fulfillment and empowerment. It is so rare and so refreshing.
    I liked the fact that you mentioned your husband (somewhat rare I believe) and his open-mindedness. That is one thing I’ve observed with western civilisation, they embrace a lot of cultures and behaviours (from around the world) and see the good in many things that Africans would dismiss (and somewhere down the line those so-called ‘trivialities’ pay off big time). Needless to say a lot of Nigerian men in the diaspora have a different view from the homegrown variety, as many of them have married people both of African and non-African descent with a more global and progressive outlook, so such dated views as espoused by the ‘establishment’ in Nigeria won’t take you far beyond that country.
    You say southern women shrink themselves. I can only dread to think what northern women do, they must throw themselves at the feet of their man, grateful for an ounce of attention as many have multiple wives to focus their attention on…
    Hopefully this will cause some women to re-assess their lives and start to make the change.
    By the way, what is the name of the book where you took those sayings of Maya Angelou from?
    E se.

    Liked by 1 person

    • E ku ile, sir! 🙂

      I totally agree with you, I have seen so many examples of progressive western households that it is now normal.

      This father, Doyin Richards became internet sensation a few years ago because he is doing what other smart fathers have been doing for a long time.
      Watch the video to see some people attacking him, and you can bet the attackers are mostly black male.

      On diaspora, thankfully, I have seen so many of our brothers here who are progressives – helping with school runs and activities drop off.

      You liked Maya Angelou work? Fantastic! Well, I have read a few of Dr’s book that I don’t remember where I got what anymore (sorry). I got these quotes from Goodreads yesterday for accuracy:

      https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/search?utf8=✓&q=maya+angelou&commit=Search

      Currently reading “All God’s Children Need Traveling Shoes” Tale of her life in Ghana was compelling, more so for Nigerians, I think.

      Ha, egbon! Northern women? Yea, you are right on throwing themselves on men, and on top lots have enough to worry about – people who suffer fistula don’t care about having a voice, abi?

      If I were Mrs Aisha Buhari – the only project I’d focus on for this four years will be exposing the devastating effect of child marriage with graphics. Oh well.

      Like

      • FK, sorry for the delay in getting back to you
        Doyin (aka Dwayne – lol), reminds me of my nephew he does his daughters hair every day. The mother doesn’t like doing it, and he seems to have the ‘knack’ (his daughters are mixed race).

        Thank you for providing the quotes and the title of the book of Maya Angelou’s stay in Ghana ( I read Ghana is now providing the right of abode to all African Americans who arrive in Ghana – seems like an unofficial migration policy to me. It is a smart move, because they will cream off the rich and smart ones who wish to engage with Africa) – I will check out the book.

        I completely forgot about this fistula thing which blights the lives of so many northern women. So in case southern women think they have it bad, their northern sisters have it worse. This is no excuse for inaction, but a cautionary tale as to how bad things could become.

        I’ve not heard much about Aisha Buhari so far, so I’d take a guess and say that she is not about light the torch for women’s rights in Nigeria in any meaningful manner.

        Liked by 2 people

        • We need more of the kind of your nephew!

          Well, Mrs Buhari has been quiet which makes me missed Madam P of GEJ (not that I ever prayed we have Madam back but at least she provoked thoughts).

          Your guess about Mrs Buhari isn’t far fetched, she promoted her Beauty book recently which one can tell only target the few elites.

          Like

  4. Funny bit about the “Pounded Yam Porridge…” LOL

    I once cooked three pieces pf potatoes into a sauce & used it for soup, to eat eba.
    Funny old days

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Thank you for this exhilarating speech. Hopefully, your sister sees it. Looking forward to being like yeye’s father.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I couldn’t have said it better myself, Fola.
    Leslie

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I love the call for performance and adding value to one’s self, so that the long-held views on women are changed.

    Come to think of it my President, if the man she’s married to doesn’t have a job or is not even planning to get one, what do you think will happen to a Nigerian working woman, especially if she’s wadded up?
    He’ll still expect his dues, after she’s returned from the work. Anyway, it differs with homes.

    On your Partner, that’s so cool! Making you pounded yam (even though you yabbed it…rolling my eyes at you!) Hope you can make it too. Trying to imagine Aye with Eba and soup at the gym! Hilarious! I have an Indian niece who loves Eba and soup like her granny…LOL

    My Oba cooks too (for me…wink) and does the nappy thingy when they are babies. Babies, tend to sleep faster in his arms and our world rocks.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good question Queen, but married to a man with no source of income, and on top bringing a child into the world? Well, in that case they both deserve each other. :).
      My disagreement with the clergy is that having a job is being adult, not enough to make one a great partner or father.

      Thank you. Aye loves her eba and actually quite proud that she brags about it with friends. Haha, pounded yam? I can make pando yam (cover face).

      I can tell King is a good man, it shows for your body :).

      Liked by 1 person

      • Agree with being employed (more like it than an adult…these days everyone is working). You don start o! That body has to reduce sharp sharp. But I love good food even if to eat just a bit!
        Aye, nah correct chick joor.
        Poundo??! that’s a start. Well done. Hahahahahhahahah 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  8. LOL, good thing is some people have started waking up in that country.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This is great, Folakemi. Your essay, I mean; cannot waste my time to listen to the tape as I hear sentiments he and others preach through young women I know,

    Pastor Adeboye,like most so-called Nigeria’s “men of God, are in reality, men of Nigeria’s god – MONEY – in simple language; or as a Nigeria’s Guardian opinion writer described the [then] rising group back in the 1980s, EVANGELISTS AS ENTREPRENEURS.

    Listen to them as a waste of your time; follow them at your peril.

    I get hateful mails each time I express these sentiments as, for example, when I contributed to an online forum topic about his claim of his car using less than half a tank to travel to a place between the Eastern part of Nigeria & Benin City, to Surulere, Lagos, a distance of perhaps more than 400 miles as nothing but an impossibility – A LIE – in simple-speak, the acolytes, cultist, or whatever, went up in arms; my contribution sort of travelled beyond the group! If truth be told, followers see Adeboye as God even if they don’t say so; they act thus.

    I’m often amazed at the level of conservatism these churches preach to young couples which make them have relationships that are more conservative than what Yoruba culture holds.

    These supposed men of take men from poor church members to build personal wealth for them and their families but do not allow members to enjoy of services like educational institutions by way of discounted fees, et cetera. They lead lavish lifestyles owning jets, lifestyles that the followers not only laud but justify.

    They – these leaders – justify Gandhi’s expressed feelings: I LIKE YOUR CHRIST; I DO NOT LIKE YOUR CHRISTIANS, or words to that effect.

    I personally do not believe the Adeboyes of Nigeria’s evangelical world live by the examples they preach. Worse, they ruin the lives of many of their followers with preaching of abundance through “giving to God”, misleading couples through extreme conservatism or at the very least, standing in the way of women’s empowerment and emancipation …

    Thanks v much for this.
    TOLA.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! As long as my people keep running from pillar to post for miracle of abundance blessings, Adeboyes wealth and self-appointed gateway to afterlife declaration will increase.

      I don’t know where on earth people prosper by wasting hours listening to someone who appropriate their ability as member of society just because of their gender.

      It is up to women to change their ways. Men like Adeboyes will never change.

      Like

  10. This was an excellent read Folake.

    I have followed the general reaction to the Pastor’s advice with considerable amusement, it’s caused quite a war on social media.

    This cracked me up so much , I laughed so hard @ “I’d be too tired to say no to any advances, and if am asleep, he could just find his way easily. Great to be a Nigerian girl” Your witty sense of humour is right up my alley. XD

    Ah, this pedestal of perfection that society insists on placing females on top of is rather tiresome. How can one be all?!

    Liked by 2 people

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