Second chance

The best gift in life is a second chance, goes the saying.  I am grateful that I am blessed to be granted a second chance to bond with my father. He is a great dad, but along the line something happened and we fell out.

I was still a ‘good’ girl as society expected me to be, never looked him in the eye as tradition dictates but deep inside I could never understand why he was so depressed. I was aware of what happened in the family but the burden of understanding adults’ complicated lives was too much for any child.

If there’s anything I have learnt from growing up, it is that children grieve just the same way as adults especially when there is tragedy –  death or divorce in the family.

In my parents’ case, it was death of my brothers, he was just too sad to accept what had happened. Men don’t cry so my dad mourned secretly. And in the process forgot that he was still a father to 5 girls.

My father had a great wife who always covers his back. We were not allowed to say anything disrespectful about my father in front of my mother, I suppose she understood my father much more than I did.

I have had a better relationship with my dad the last 10 years than I ever did growing up. He is a lot more open and eager to share any stories that he thinks its beneficial to his children today.

Thinking back, what a great lost it would have been if we didn’t have a second chance to properly heal together as a family.

My sister once said I had no shame with some of the personal stories that I share, my response was that maybe this is not about me anymore, I and the family are in good place today.

Maybe a story such as this could benefit the little girl who was sad to see her parents fighting. From her note, the father probably didn’t realise how his actions is affecting the little girl.

Not all families are perfect, but adults have the power to sort help or control their emotions much more than children could.

I do hope that somehow the parents of this girl see this note and change their way.

My girls, their dad and a dozen or so other families from their school had a great day at a local park playing the game of rounders, what a better way to celebrate when the weather was kind to us.

Happy Father’s Day to all good fathers.

 



Categories: Family

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13 replies

  1. A lovely heartfelt post Fola! I feel you as I am not the apple of my father’s eye either. As he ages, I too try to heal and bond. I do my best. I am sorry for your loss of 2 brothers. Tragic indeed. Take care Fola😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Folakemi. Amazing work you got doing here. I’d like your contribution on a particular project I’m working on. I’ve been trying to get your personal contact but it’s been difficult. Please I’ll appreciate it if you could reach me on opatayosamuel@yahoo.com or you could just reply this comment. Thanks. Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My Frank President. I enjoyed your article and you know I love families and that it has turned out right for you and Daddy. It is sad she wrote this, I can relate to it. Well, I believe her cos I was once a little girl and had my own battles. I pray her mum gets to know about it and helps her through this.

    I’m not sure what the full story is, but when a pain is written down, it is from the heart and not child’s play. Hmmm.

    Yes o! Happy Father’s Day to the good dads and the ones that changed for the better later.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh, such a heartwarming post, I really enjoyed reading it.

    Funny, how our parents and our experiences with them sometimes become the yardstick for gauging our own performance in life especially with regards to our own family units.

    The loss of a loved one has a ripple effect on families, people have different emotional thresholds. I am glad that you and your father found each other again.

    Second chances are great, and are better done while one is still alive, because death doesn’t give second chances for reconciliation or restitution.

    Thank you for sharing this. 🙂

    PS: I saw that little girl’s letter on another blog recently, it was heartbreaking to say the least.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha, thank you Nedoux! Yes, o as Leslie said, fathers’ role is way too underrated, they shape who we become. Their role is way bigger than financial providers, many women do that so kids need much more to be well-rounded.

      I know, it’s easy to reduce the little girl’s letter to another child’s talk – I really do hope adults in her life didn’t break her for life.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The father’s role in the family has been highly underrated in days gone by. They are more than just the financial provider they can teach us so much more. I’m glad you had a second chance with your father, Fola. It will have a lot of meaning for the both of you.
    Leslie

    Liked by 1 person

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