Two strangers: Who would you trust your teenage girl with?

A priest and a school teacher both are not known in personal capacity with the family – who to trust with a fifteen year old girl for an overnight trip?

My 15 years old niece was excited about her upcoming trip to Lagos, it will be her first time on her own with no family, she was going from the church to an event whereby selected members meet to see who could recite bible verses the most.

“Fantastic” I told her. So I asked “how many of you are going from your church”, “Just me” she replied.

She must be very good at cramming, I did my part of commending her efforts, I used to be like that so great to be part of something.

I only started getting concerned when Sola said she was the only one going from my town and this is the church with at least a hundred branches, she is going with a 35-year-old church evangelist, he is a nice man, has a family. Sola and the evangelist will be in Lagos for two nights then return home the third day.

Really?

Sighed and said polite goodbye wondering if Sola realised how ridiculous the whole trip sounded.

God, why do I have to be told about this trip, it has nothing to do with me. Sola did not need my approval for the trip, which is a good thing as I was free to share my thoughts – she is under no obligation to listen to me.

Sola lives with her grandparents, Sola’s mother is easy-going and seldom question any decision made about Sola – she trusted my parents’ judgement.

After back and forth talking about Mr Ade, the only reference to trusting this guy was that he was a church goer who earned his living teaching bibles to people. No surprise there.

The only person I was concerned about was my niece.

Sola is a perfect bait – lives with grandparents, stubborn which I admire because one needs to have own mind active in Nigeria otherwise easy to be swept away when the tide is high.

However, she is still a child, she has no idea how manipulative adults can be when they are desperate. I did not question the event but have issue with her going on her own with the guy nobody knew well.

So I told Sola of my friend in secondary school – the talented Rachel – envy of all her mates.  On our valedictory service day, Rachel collected the prizes for all of our subjects. She is known throughout my school as bright.

Sometimes a year or so before we graduated, Rachel’s father who was the sole provider of the family was involved in a fatal auto accident in Lagos, leaving the family shattered. Rachel became very reclusive, so poured all her energies in to her studies, not that she needed to try but this time everyone was trailing behind her academically.

A few months before we graduated, she stopped going to her parents’ church to join a new church everyone was raving about in town that focuses on saving youths from worldly influence.

Apparently, Brother K was sacked from a church where he used to work because he was overwhelmed by the number of secondary school girls needing ‘deliverance’ in my town – his ‘actions’ was putting the church in serious jeopardy.

It was Brother K that took Rachel along with another girl to found a new church. At this time Rachel was 17 years old. Brother K rented a room near my best friend’s house so I heard about late night praying, delivering monsters from the young girls’ minds and bodies.

Long story short, Rachel got pregnant. Drama all over the place mostly among those who wished they had half of Rachel’s brain.

Getting pregnant at 17 need not be the end of one’s ambition, but for Rachel it was. And for most girls in my area, this is the reality.

My mother asked why I was excited for Sola when she was going on a school trip crossing the borders to Accra a year earlier – Well, simple – teachers likely to deviate from doing things that can cost them their jobs, especially those in a good private school.

Teachers for the most part would not be bold enough to request for an overnight trip with a minor because he is sensible, pastor on the other hand will exhaust the trust people have for the church hence Mr Ade made the request thinking being a ‘man of God’ is enough to earn trust.

So I asked my mother, “Jungle justice aside, have you ever seen a ‘man of God’ being punished for any wrong doing by the state, in Nigeria? In her almost eight decades, she could not recall of one instance.



Categories: Humour, Nigeria, Religion, Women

Tags: , , , , , , ,

23 replies

  1. You hit a raw part of me with this post. One thing I inherited from my mother is that the right side of my body does not trust the left part of the same body so how can I trust somebody else? None is to be trusted. By the way hope you did not allow your niece to go on that ‘arranged’ trip? It’s better to be safe tahn sorry. Nice blog

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Truth is you cant trust both. The rate at which teenagers are being molested is more than is let on. I daresay 7 out of every 10 teenagers have been confronted with a molestation situation. And what pisses me off the most is the fact that it happens with pple we think are responsible and the cluelessness of some parents…#mtchew.

    You should read ‘and they say virgins are rare’ I wrote in Oct/Nov.

    BTW. I wish I had an aunt like you.. All them aunts were not even around.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I know, pretty annoying as we don’t talk about this enough to help informed those who are most vulnerable.

      Will stop by to read the post.

      Ha, thank you – See I didn’t grow up with aunties neither, my ‘cool’ auntie when I was growing up was a out of reach.

      My older sisters married relatively young so I have grown nieces that I refused to leave them in the dark – they’ll have the information and up to them to use it wisely.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. My lip is curled and I have an indignant side eye. I hate to quote The Color Purple, ” Girl Child ain’t safe in a family of men!” let alone a man of the cloth. Why do we continue to feed our children to the wolves? What does any young woman need to be alone, traveling with a man twice her age unsupervised. I will keep it PG, but this topic hit a nerve, you know how I feel about the **** Healers!!! Grown men in the States go unpunished for violating young girls because young girls as well as young boys are often fed to the wolves by their own family members. I wouldn’t trust or leave my 15 old daughter, nice, cousin, sister, friend alone with NO GROWN MAN for 10 minutes let alone to travel long distance with. My grandmother left home at 17 years old, no correction her and her sisters left as teenage girls because their step father the “Pastor” was trying to have sex with them all and their mother MY GREAT GRANDMOTHER turned a blind eye….. don’t get my started!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mike, am sorry that happened to your grandmother.

      I have unreserved respect for African Americans on this especially when it comes to sharing experiences so others don’t fall into the same pit – Africans would rather keep ugly bits under wrap in the name of respecting our men.

      Why do we continue to feed our children to the wolves? – Well, I don’t know but I think this is the same reason why our healing is prolonged because everyone makes the same mistake as the person before them, when you ‘escape’ usually one keeps the ‘hunted’ experience secret as is ‘abomination’ to shame the ‘untouchables’

      Growing up in a small village/town, while people were close knitted/loving – when rape/incest happens more often than not, the perpetrator is left off the hook easily in the name of ‘not shaming one of ours so the victim lived with the horror for ever.

      Like

      • Thank you FK & Mike, I’m learning a lot about how horrible and devastating “these acts” can be. I’d only seen or heard of it from a distance, but reading this has opened my eyes as to the hurt, damage and anger is generates.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Do you know how powerful your words are, ” Our healing is prolonged because everyone makes the same mistakes as the person before them, when “you escape” usually one keeps the ” hunted ” experience secret as is ” abomination ” to shame the ” untouchables ” end quote…..I had to rewrite your statement because it makes me recall where I learned to tell my own personal truths. I watched these stories unfold and my grandmother and aunts did not wait for permission to disclose these events, in rewriting your statement I am not sure if they were even aware that I was in the room based on the way, the stories were brought to light. What I witnessed was a one-way conversation of my grandmother and aunts expressing their pain and disappointment with their mother as aging women and my grandmother’s desire to address the daughter-mother conflict that continued to haunt their relationship and although my great grandmother never defended herself or her actions, she did not silence my grandmother for fear it might shame her as a mother or make me view my great grandmother in a poor light, in fact, it gave me respect for them both and has been the catalyst of me having the courage to have uncomfortable conversations over and over again even if it appears that there is no resolve.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Dear Mike – I am very grateful for your openness about this issue. You see a few months ago when I read your bio and realised for the first time that Mike is not Michael – I had a very good laugh and thanked God that here we have a woman, a Yoruba woman who loved and appreciate the tradition/culture but not afraid to tell uncomfortable truth. I believe when we do so, we liberate ourselves and many others – thank you.

          Women need to tell their stories, their true stories – understanding our history is important not just to us but to everyone. Stories told by women of their experience will help everyone around to appreciate what it once was and courage to march forward.

          Your mothers’ story was very similar to mine, my mother is a great mother and if Yoruba reincarnation is true, I am coming back through her, well I will have to do some tweaking. My mother exhausted herself protecting my sisters and I – I think she did a fantastic job only now that I thought her job would have been easier if my mother talked about my pervert uncle, but no she could not because many would have turned against her as the woman who ‘tu’le’ – ’cause trouble in the family house’.

          Here’s what she did to keep my uncle at arms length throughout our growing up, this is after my uncle made attempt to violate my older sister – https://folakemiodoaje.com/2014/09/05/nigeria-rape-case-moving-out-of-closet/

          I am different from my mother as I can still sit with my uncle today chatting along, I don’t hate him as he’s my fathers little brother and I have been brave once to tell him he caused his own misery – he could have slapped me (as a big Yoruba elder) but he dare not!

          Like

          • People think Mike instead of (Me-kay) Mike` all the time, no worries. Protecting your children as a mother is exhausting. Your Mother did well and You are doing better, your Uncle as well because he is able to hear the truth without being defensive or punitive. The healing is taking place, one family at a time.

            Liked by 1 person

  4. That she is traveling alone is cause for concern, but I hope she’ll be alright. 🙂 If I had to choose, I’d definitely go with the teacher. I can’t trust anybody simply because they claim to know God.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your concern – she didn’t go in the end not without giving her enough examples to see it was all for her own benefit.

      I’d go with a teacher too, not that they are significantly better in terms of child abuse records in Nigeria, but there is a higher chance they’d think about likely repercussions before any cunning deed.

      Like

  5. Pardon me, the more a person is in a position to be trusted, generally the more they are likely to do untrustworthy things. I am a Christian, a practicing – for the most part – one but never, ever associate preaching The Word with practicing what The Word says.

    Thanks.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Just drop a hint in your niece’s ear, the recital can wait… God, won’t sulk if you miss the recital…

    I would neither trust the teacher either.

    But all you can do is strongly advise her, if you try to “put your foot down”, that will drive her in the direction you least want.

    Why would she not listen to you, I wish my Aunts and Uncles were approachable, sadly none of them were.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank jco. Sola is strong willed, well runs in the family.

      You are right, many things I did that my mother didn’t know was because I was told ‘can’t do’ because like you my parents were too busy worrying about other ‘stuff’, didn’t have any approachable auntie/uncle to provide guidance.

      The event happened over a year ago, but God that girl exhausted me as I wanted her to see my points so she knows I can still be trusted to get her back on other stuff, I told her if she was 18 I’ll react differently. She didn’t go in the end as it was clear to her I would not be there for support if my suspicion came true.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Strong willed, stubborn etc. runs in the family! LOL. If it was you my dear FK, I’m sure you would have still gone just to prove a point. I hope Sola isn’t avoiding you or didn’t avoid you after that ‘lecture’. Thank you for saving her. Teacher, Prophet, Politician…if my spirit doesn’t agree with it, no movement!

        We had approachable auntie/uncle but that’s gist for another day.
        PS: that stubborness really does pay off especially if channelled in the right direction.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Ha My Queen! Please do share stories about your approachable auntie/uncle, so I learn to be a better one to mine, seriously 🙂

          I was out of town for a few time for church/choir but always with a group . At 15, I would easily tell the evangelist not to bother asking my parents because the answer would be a resounding no especially from my mother if she heard it’s a one girl/one man show. For some reason, I feel my mother has gone a bit ‘soft’ now as she saw the opportunity for her granddaughter to do what she enjoys but can’t see the condition around the whole trip.

          If she was 18, I probably will approach this differently if she was happy with it all because life is all about making our own path.
          Agree, girls in Nigeria, you’ve got to get a dosage of will power to survive, for sure!

          Liked by 1 person

  7. I’ll never trust any child with a preacher…that’s just the truth. Your points are relatable.

    Liked by 1 person

Trackbacks

  1. Is Abstinence and fidelity effective measure to curb HIV/AIDS & STI in Africa? | Ori Yeye nii Mogun

Please leave comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: