Ex lover’s nude photos on internet: revenge or crying baby?

So where do we draw the line? Why going into any form of relationship with anyone if one can not act responsibly if things didn’t work out as envisaged? And why do women always have to be the one being told to be super careful about just anything imaginable?

Few days ago in Uganda, a Nigerian guy who could not accept defeat with grace over his cheating Ugandan girlfriend decided to post the lady’s nude photos on the web. The Ugandan lady, Desire Luzinda is a local celebrity so the news went viral and everyone (well, many guys like Franklin) tripped over the internet to get a glimpse of the star’s nude pictures.

Here is what was left unsaid, the Naija guy who did this is incredibly insecure hence he was carrying naked pictures/video clips of a lover around to begin with. Maybe he knew this would happen anyways since Desire is a celebrity, so busy stocking up on ‘weapons’ to taint his girl rather than enjoying the moment.

There were lots of interwoven stories that lead to the leaked pictures that I am not in the least interested in however, none of the excuses in my opinion justifies Franklin’s actions as it only furthers shows his insecure he is  and he is not presenting Nigerian men in positive lights. Sometimes relationship breaks down, it’s called life.

The only person who needed pity is the crying baby Franklin whose ego is tied to his ability to ‘own’ his lady. The joke is on him as what one does behind the closed door is meant to remain there – it’s called intimacy for a reason.

This episode reminds me of demeaning language that our men used in public when talking about their ladies. They will proudly say “I slept with her” as if the coitus (to borrow Sheldon Cooper’s word) involves only one person. Yoruba is especially cruel, they’d say “Mo do” I am sure Franklin would have equivalent in his local language that further assures him that he is the only priority in the relationship.

Not long ago, a friend proudly told me when talking about another friend that “I slept with her” so I politely asked to describe what he meant as I have never really understood the phrase. Now, if you ‘slept’ with someone without acknowledging their involvement in the ‘act’ then, that is called rape. So if both adults mutually wanted it, then maybe the best phrase to use should be more like “We had sex.”

Anyways, by the time my friend finished narrating all the gory details of him sleeping with his friend, many of the specifics too raw for my innocent ears, I endured them all as I was keen. It was very easy to see who had sex between my friend and the lady, but the lady being an African woman was smart to lead him on and my friend blindly bought it as that was all that he needed for his super ego to survive. Needless to say, he wasn’t too impressed with my verdict.

Shame Franklin thought all that an African lady needed is a man who showers them with fancy gifts and busy taking nude photos in the bedroom – better luck next time Mr Ebenhron.

Glad to say that I got to know about Desire story through a Nigerian guy friend who felt utterly disgusted by Franklin Ebenhron’s attitude – Not all Nigerian guys are insecure after all.

 

 

 



Categories: Africa, All about women, Education, Nigeria

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

54 replies

  1. Folake I just came across this today and I wish you know the true story before you put up this article or what so ever. Journalism suppose to be all about facts and truth so get your facts right

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear franklin – Thank you for stopping by.

      You are very right that I did not know the ‘true’ story but my post was based on a relationship gone sour which resulted in a lady’s nude photos online and the man involved happened to be a Nigerian so you see, I am concerned in a lot of ways.

      If you were Franklin, no vex, but posting naked photos of an ex online is not cool.

      If you are not Franklin then the naked photos online were there to provoke thoughts, attract attention/reaction and that was my stand on it.

      If I were a journalist, I would have long lost my job given many things I write about and given the world is well connected now than before, my ‘facts’ here is me seeing the naked photos of the said woman – she looked good and didn’t deserve her photos posted without her consent.

      The world will thank you for it if you have a different part of this story unknown that warrant an adult male posting unsolicited ex’s photos online.

      Like

      • Speaking from behind a curtain and asking for facts to be straight leave a huge gap on your part whoever you may be. Folake has indeed responded better than what I would or could have thought up. Facts on this story, if you do have the so call facts please do share otherwise it’s not brain surgery as we all were responding to an intimate experience that should have been privately enjoyed but was publicly posted online. It Speaks volume of the action taken by the guy (Bobo Franklin in this case). Caused embrassment & distress to many and not just the lady alone, ( fellow sensible men, fellow Nigerians, the lady’s family and friends, her fans, her career, other female musicians, the list is long and sad) so please no furthers facts are needed or requested the action was foolish and self explanatory. It can’t be justified in my book or that of most well thinking folks. So thanks but no thanks. Just let’s call a spade a spade and move on with the hope that we all have learned something and allow time to help us all heal from the hurt.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Ori, The opening questions of your post are right on the mark: “So where do we draw the line? Why going into any form of relationship with anyone if one can not act responsibly if things didn’t work out as envisaged? And why do women always have to be the one being told to be super careful about just anything imaginable?” We can’t treat each other with respect when a relationship ends because there was never any respect between the parties going into it. I just connected with this post so much, because it is true what you’ve said about ownership and the sex act being one sided. It is true that a lot of men see sex as something they get from women, who are withholding it. It’s a prize and they must “get it” by any means necessary, even if it means pretending to be in a sincere, wholesome and mature relationship with a woman. It’s sad, but it’s the truth. People who respect each other can cut ties without any ugliness. It’s not working out, so let us say our goodbyes. However, if there was any resentment involved, you had better know the knives will come out. It amazes me that women will send nude photos of themselves to men in this day and age where men share intimate photos of their wives with their friends. I have male friends and the things they tell me make me really wary of the “send me some sexy photos of yourself, I won’t show anyone” request. Oh, really?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. its sad that some ‘guys’ have a problem admitting that what used to be no longer is. Being one of her fans I still enjoy listening her music and the fact that the photos were leaked doesn’t make her less of a human in any way. I still respect Luzinda nevertheless. Thanks for the support.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha, thanks for the comment.

      Funny I didn’t know she was a singer – must listen to her songs now, bet she’s good. It was her story that caught my attention, and given she is a woman – comes natural to defend my kind especially when in her case the ‘revenge’ from her ex was not setting a good example.

      Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This is a case of IF YOU CANNOT GET TO HEAVEN YOU JUST RAISE HELL.
    An amoral psychiatric behavior on the uncontrollable ADAM AND EVE SAGA.
    You can not cage a Bird at will, it will fly away as soon as the cage is opened. You can then wonder on How many Trees it will perch in this wide World! It will only come back to you if it is really yours.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The comments are as interesting as the post. Brilliant read!!

    Maybe its me but I really don’t get the idea of consciously making these sex tapes & taking nude pictures. I have a great imagination & have only needed that to refresh a good intimate memory (& believe me, I have LOTS). It was so when I was young & still true today.

    I guess lovers should as a precautions have rules for electronic devices like phones, cameras & laptops too, when they roll in the hay. Just as they check up on their condoms before ‘getting down’, they should also insist & ensure PHONES & SUCH, STAY OFF. Because just like the consequences of not using a condom can be long lasting agony, so too are these pictures. If your lover (Male or female, Gay or straight) insists, tell them to go on the internet. There are lots of better stuff in there, completely free LOL

    I especially like this remark…..”if you ‘slept’ with someone without acknowledging their involvement in the ‘act’ then, that is called rape. So if both adults mutually wanted it, then maybe the best phrase to use should be more like “We had sex.””……. So seriously, in the same way. No one should complain about how a picture or video they had consented to being taken or made is used, after it had been taken or made. Period….
    Like a Hausa saying goes… “Ka yi tusa, ba ka san ya yi wari.”….”You mess & you no wan make e smell” Good luck to you on that one. LOL

    Always a pleasure. Folakemi

    Liked by 1 person

    • Another Naija man! I see what you did there in the last paragraph, spinning my words around. Oh well – Rape case is completely different though but I got your points but not buying it o.

      Precautions and love? The world is going nuts if trust can’t be applied here. And why should every conflict results in Ultimate Revenge that marred not just the offender but everyone that looks like her? Maybe men should grow up and find better alternative to vent in case of disagreement. And of course for ladies who thought this is funny too.

      Like

      • Yes I am a very proud Nigerian and a Man, but I take exception to being stereotyped as just ANOTHER. (I make this distinction with a complete understanding of your meaning & no intention to sound proud or immodest)

        That said…
        I try to use words like I squeeze rinsed washed clothing, draining every bit of moisture (possible usage) out of them and hanging them out to dry in the sun (for others to appreciate). It is out of my hands if it suddenly starts to rain (what conclusions they make). You just ‘rained’ on my washing; last paragraph. LOL

        It is not my intention to belittle the senselessness in Rape cases, I merely drew parallels with how this could be likened to it. If a video is made without consent, that is akin to rape, isn’t it? I can understand if you don’t buy into the idea of a lover being responsible (by extension) for how their nude picture is used after they allow it to be taken & left it in the hands of a lover. But do you agree that the same lover is equally responsible for the consequences of unprotected sex? Well, that is the similarity I am pointing out. In the same manner, ‘Precautions and Love’ (I prefer Precaution & Sex) likens fitting in a condom before casual sex or having a prenuptial drawn before marital vows. If in this ‘day & age’ anyone throws caution to the wind & goes gaga as soon as the opportunity to lower their pants comes begging, then one day they will be shitting on a busy sidewalk in the middle of the road. Believe me, it is applicable here.

        I have a problem with these extreme Revenge methods to resolve conflicts. I agree that the offenders are mainly men too & I am not holding brief for these scoundrels either. Instead I am pointing out the need to be cautious & not arming a prospective nut case with ammunition to hurt you. I hope I clarified my perspective further.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Thank you Yasniger! I do get your points and appreciate time taking to further explain your views and I am glad that in fact you do not buy into the extreme revenge spree some men use to get back at their women.

          As always, thank you for your support. (that bits was missing from my previous comment LOL)

          God help me, I don’t think I have been this defensive in a long time, not on a matter of someone else’s bottom being exposed at least. I do hope Desire would learn from this experience (if indeed not staged).

          Liked by 1 person

  6. Folakemi, I can see you hold your own very well. I was going to say something but you are able to the task. I enjoyed reading the comments like I did the write-up. And by the way, you have my vote on this one, staged publicity or not @jujufilms . LOL.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Has this resulted in a serious backlash to her career

    Liked by 1 person

  8. For far too long we have held women to a higher standard of expectation while us men are excused into being “classless” “tasteless” “crude” and yet have it all justified by simply saying they are “Men”. Clearly a misuse of the true definition of being a Man. Nude photos shared with a loved one is no different for a love intimate letter from one lover to another (we are in the techno era and post offices are going bust globally) or the sexual experience shared so why drag on publicly? So simply put when in a relationship intimacy permits anything and everything as long as its legally agreed by both parties…likewise even after the relationship is long over, both parties must consent to what happens with materials, and artifacts shared during the relationship. Our emotions will be hurt or might be hurt after a break up, or infidelity, but this is the basic action of what truly separates man from animal the ability to rationalize our actions. So if lost like did to our shameless ignorant Nigerian brother Franklin Ebenhron then clearly such a man or woman needs to be known for what they are and what they stand for…primitive animal thinking period. But the truth is that a scarily large number of us men think on similar level most times…and that explains much of the unfortunate state of the world as we have it today…Thanks largely to Men for such thoughtless instinctive reactive primitive mindset flows into various other aspect of our lives and decision making process. So let’s work on having both men and women held accountable and measured to same high standards, period. his action cannot be excused one bit.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m just saying: ever try to keep your ‘honey’ sweet without offering a ‘treat’ every now and then? Dude without gifts is dude staring at the backside as she slides on out the door! Women, by the way are supposed (?) to act with a bit of Victorian decorum and keep their iPhone folders between their girlfriends, irregardless of the ‘immature and childish’ actions of a spurned (non gift bearing) lothario, you know that, women have class, men are well . . .

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ha, see we always overdo any copy-copy we do in Africa. Knowing that African govt have bigger fish to fry, issues like this wouldn’t get any women protected so if African men continue to use disgraceful ‘weapon’ to taint their women, get ready to see lots of lothsarios being exposed too – good God, can’t believe I said that, let it not happen I beg o.

      Liked by 1 person

      • waaay too cool, young lady, of course the ladies of Nigeria have to not only stand their ground in the face of the stupidity of the men they encounter/date, but voice their rejection of the reactions these so-called men foist upon them. now don’t get me wrong, i’m still standing over here backing my “boys” not all of us are dirt-bags, some of the ‘treats” we bestow on our women are indeed given without thought of reward (suckers) and respect our ladies as tho they were our mothers (keep the Oedipus jokes to yourself!), so bear in mind, even a broken clock is correct twice a day!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Of course you would keep your stance – only that most women don’t really dig that baseless gifts of ‘your’ boys as they are often times come with long strings and please keep that hands off the doors, I can do that myself, thank you very much – if that’s the definition of ‘respect’ for ladies.

          Mind you Franklin likely to have given Desire ‘respect’ of the type above in the past but quick to flip the minute things weren’t going his way.

          Only wish the ladies can reject the makeshift ‘respect’ all around.

          Liked by 1 person

      • Don’t they have strict obscenity laws in Uganda?

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Man, oh, man, oh man! Where do I begin – dare I even try – dude was carrying the nude photos, not out of insecurity, shall we say, but (and I know how you’re going to take this) pride; as in ‘yeah baby, I’m hitting that, all night, every night’ -sorry for your ‘sensitive ears’ – it not only is a male thing by the way, trust me, there are sisters with their own ‘proof of conquest’ folders on their iPhones as well. When the “relationship” comes to an end and you no longer are ‘hitting it’ of course you feel rejected, after all memory is a dangerous thing, especially when it can not be repeated and remnants on your phone are all you take to bed – definitely the case when prior to the ‘bye-bye’ you were bragging about ‘hitting it’ only to have some dude show you his iPhone and ba-bam, he hitting it to! Poor baby, what’s a lothario to do, his self respect (I know) is destroyed, so to him, she’s no longer this ‘wonderful woman’ (never mind the photos shown only to friends he wanted to impress) she becomes this tramp, this slut, this . . . you get my drift. Franklin just felt like his reason, in my opinion had been taken from him and broadcasting the photos was his only recourse, as you said, there are interwoven stories (there always are) behind the scenes that we do not know, so our response is of a general nature. As for your friend, same story, ‘I slept with her’ cool, my response when told this ‘fact’ is always the same: “cool, does she . . . snore?” Oh and if Desire, or any woman, for that matter, doesn’t want ’embarrassing’ photos on the Internet, don’t pose for them – and do not begin to say the photos were taken without prior knowledge – and yes, showering women with gifts and fancy dinners and bottles of champagne should get a brother something . . . (sssshhh, joking here Folakemi)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Always, thank you for the frank comment.

      But if the table is turned say the said lady felt ‘used’ and in her possession were the guy’s nude photos, can she do the same without being called names of all sorts – seems to be double standard, whichever way women reacted she is likely going to get sharp tongues for it.
      Well, showering women with gifts might get brothers something, maybe brothers should not depend on just that to keep their women, maybe they should get rid of their smart phones in the bedroom, afterall the lady in question was caught having fun with other men, it could not have been that good with our Photographer brother Franklin.

      I just wish Nigeria men could grow up, every generation is the same story 🙂

      As for my friend: “cool, does she . . . snore?” – That’s a good one, I’ll remember to use it!

      Liked by 2 people

    • I believe sex, lies, photos and sex tapes have been tools long used by women, women walk around with sex tapes and nude photos of their lovers just as much as men do. It is a safe bet that Kim K became a celebrity out of the Ray J produced sex tape, didn’t do much for Ray J’s career.

      Dude might be doing the same thing for the Ugandan stars career. The majority of men don’t have nude pictures of their lovers for the purpose of blackmail and safe to say ten times out of ten the pictures exchanged hands consensually. Men as still playing catch up. I twitted this a few days ago ” I am amazed how some women treat their pussy like a cash crop”

      Liked by 1 person

      • Really? Men playing catch up on this?

        And for those women you referred to in the last line, if a woman has to treat herself as a cash crop/cow, then that’s her call but no behaviour whatsoever warrants the irresponsible attitude of posting one’s ex’s nude photos online – to which end?

        Liked by 1 person

        • Seems to me you are trusting one side of the story not to imply that you are gender biased. Like they say a story is 3D his side, her side and the truth.

          Like

          • Of course I was and still am! What can anyone do to deserve their nude photos being displayed all over the internet if not that the other person is completely out of his mind?

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            • What if it was staged for publicity?

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              • Why would anyone do that? I can’t get my head around that possibility, not in a society like Uganda

                Like

                • Really Folakemi, are you trying to trust peoples character you don’t even know?

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                  • Yes, I would because this is not just about Desire, it is about other African women and how we are viewed/treated. Reportedly, something similar happened a year ago in Uganda but that was between two locals.

                    Like

                    • I really don’t think this type of thinking helps the feminist movement because when something like this happen automatically the woman is regarded as the victim and the man a criminal. You see this type of thinking is what has been used for centuries to castrate the Black man.

                      Like

                    • Really? Castrate Black men? Okay, here we are talking about Black on Black. If Black men feel castrated because they are told to act responsibly during conflicts – so be it. This has nothing to do with feminist, we are talking about common sense here and socially acceptable behaviour.

                      You can’t use that for EVERY argument my man!

                      Like

                    • Happy you said it is “Black on Black” which is what it is, you know divide and conquer the tribes. By the way dude is from Nigeria which you and I are also from. So in this case you rush to judgement and give up the black man based on tabloid media sensationalized news. Without waiting on or wanting to know the facts you are all too ready to hang dude.

                      It is a feminist thing cause it is mostly black women you see judging and lambasting their men even when you know the man is doing the best the can for his woman, after all that is his woman. There is this notion that the Black man is there busy plotting to destroy his own family, nonsense.

                      Look at the case of Oscar who murdered his girlfriend in South Africa, I did not hear white women lambasting and calling all white men murderers or the media jumping on that wagon. I believe the case went through a court trial.

                      Like

                    • Hey brother, do not mix things up! So because Franklin is a black man, he should be excused for his stupid behaviour? Please!
                      So if a white guy does the same, (which will happen if the stupid trend continues) we should murder him? Actually it is people like Franklin that gives outsiders comfort that it is OK to treat women less of because they are used to it in Africa.

                      What are you talking about re Oscar Pistorious? I am ignoring you on that because Oscar’s case is something else and the verdict was a big blow on everyone with a bit of humanity on them.

                      And yes, Franklin represents the attitude of all arrogant African men whose only ego is tied to their bedroom acts. What he did is inexcusable.

                      Liked by 2 people

                    • I am hardly saying he should be excused for his behavior, I am saying he should be given due process. I am also saying how do you know this is not staged for publicity purposes.

                      Oscar Pistorious case is no different, as a young black man wearing a hoody is considered a threat, where black men are disproportionately imprisoned, where black men are falsely accused and imprisoned for rape, murder and where the media is slowly making the black man the face of domestic violence.

                      So I refuse to jump on the bandwagon of stereotyping the black man with everything bad. My mission is to enhance the positive attributes of African men and not believe the media hype.

                      Liked by 3 people

        • And yeah men are playing catchup. Ray J invented this style and every leaked sex tape or picture has always enhanced the lady the Ugandan lady is no exception as she is having her 15mins.

          Like

          • This is where I really needed WordPress to have ‘marked down’ button. That’s bunkers!

            Liked by 1 person

            • Jujufilms – I don’t care if this was for publicity or not. Why can’t Franklin takes photos of his own manhood and post them online then tagged it with Desire – people will still talk about them both and I am highly unlikely to blink.

              Oscar P killed a person that trusted him, Reeva is no longer here so completely different ball games. If black men have been unfairly discriminated against – in the past which they have been then continuing to wallow in self pity isn’t the way forward neither will disgraced attitude towards their women. I apologise to black brothers especially the Akatas if this came outtoo simplistic, it isn’t but I do know that all of our efforts are needed to correct the wrongs of the past.

              And on highlight the positives of the black men – By all means that is your mission and all the very best. There are a thousand and one brilliant qualities of our men – they style, the walk and all – this is no kidding.

              However there are lots of what our men were raised with, the arrogance, the needless yawn for domination etc that marred all their good qualities.

              And now, while you are at it – I dare you swing down south of the continent to give a standing ovation to the King of Swaziland on his new stipend of $18 he is showering on the young girls on his land to be sure he has plenty of maiden to choose from so during his next ‘shopping’ for 51st wife he would not only choose the most beautiful of all, he will also be getting the ones that’s ‘intact’ – After all the king is an African man!

              Liked by 2 people

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