My boss walked into the office beaming like a teenager, I knew he’s got some gossips in his mind. After the usual greetings he asks “Have you heard the news about Bill Clinton?” “Bill who?” I asked. He didn’t think my counter question was funny. As a gossip buddy, he expected me to know all about the gossips flying about.
“*Oga, who is this man you talked about?” Now he raised his voice and blurted “seriously, don’t you know who Bill Clinton is?” This time I thought my boss was a bit annoying, he could have just told me the gossip and I would learn more about Bill Clinton if the news was that compelling. Eventually he told the story, I didn’t think it was that funny but he laughed anyway, more so because I didn’t know all about Bill Clinton’s affairs. As my boss was about to exit the office I said to him – “Want to know what was funny?” I asked him. Oga looked back with ears upright. “You had a child with your office affair.” He walked away and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day.
That was not very nice of me, oh well, I thought that was very funny.
This was the day after Monika Lewinsky news broke out. People love dirty gossips especially when it is about the others. Very easy choosing what to pay attention to in those days. Nigeria president at the time was Sani Abacha, hopped about like a bunny and on top of that was a dictator – killing anyone with opposing views while spending his free time looting the nations treasury. With that in mind, Bill Clinton affair seemed like a walk in the park.
A few years down the line in a maths class
My teacher narrated the scientists prediction that by 2019 one in three of the world population will be Elvis Presley impersonator. He wanted the class to do the calculations to see if the prediction is a fallacy or true.
Sitting beside me was Susan so I whispered to her “Who’s Elvis?” Susan was speechless, she could not believe there’s anyone in the world who would not know who Elvis was. Susan was curious and wanted to know where I grew up that I have never heard of Elvis Presley, I could tell by the confusion on her face that she had a picture of Mowgli in her head so I relieved her from the confused state to say I don’t represent all Nigerians as there is a high chance many people are familiar with Elvis songs and perhaps impersonating him in the cities across the country.
Before inputting the numbers in to the formulae template, “do you think this prediction is realistic?” I asked Susan, she wasn’t too sure but slightly positive it might be true. For that class, the result was way off the chart as it turns out Elvis impersonators would outgrow the population using my teacher’s formulae. Really? This event happened in Seattle, WA.
If people are going to impersonate a musician in my town, I said to Susan, it’s likely going to be someone who many young children especially girls know his name before learning what he was famous for. Women and girls of all ages ask their hair stylists they wanted to do Bob Marley – meaning single plaits.
Those were the golden years, I knew just enough to get me through the day, today struggle to sift through so many news that have nothing to do with me other than to clog my head. Got to find ways to deal with it all, we all shall and we should.
*Oga means boss in Yoruba Language